Coming Out

A lot of people have asked me if I was sure about myself, when I realised I was gay, how my parents handled it, and a lot more. I think 'How parents handled it' seemed to the most crucial part of coming out.

Let me tell you about my story of coming out. People would consider me a late bloomer as I came out when I was 27.

I had always been different. I have never played ball games like most boys do. I used to be smarter, if not the smartest (lol), than the others. Used to have a fight with a girl classmate for bullying her, and had been called a loser and gay when i lost. My girl cousin was always there for me to save me from those who bullied me. I bully a lot but never fight. I never fight back. People had called me weak.

I had always been around with girls. I hung out with them often and seldom with guys. Some guys had called me lucky for having girls around and that added the machismo I was showing.

You see, the gay culture and image in my country had always been stereotyped as negative, and people are very prejudiced. If you're gay, you'll end up working in a salon. You're life is damned. People would expect to wear long hair, and be in drag.

I knew I was different but I couldn't consider myself gay as to what the stereotyping is. Most gay men would call themselves 'bisexuals' as they couldn't consider themselves gay. Including me. 

Relationship-wise, I had 'a' girlfriend, yes just 1, and two boyfriends, yes two. All of them didn't even last for 6 months. I still consider myself bisexual as I had a girlfriend. (No sex though). Then I decided not to be in a relationship as my life was very complicated, or so I thought. I hadn't been in a relationship for 7 years when I went to China.

All of my ideas about being gay was changed when I went to China. The gay culture was very different. Hunky men walking hand in hand, like a real couple, and were also kissing in a park not caring who saw them. They didn't give a shit. I was like 'wow'. This is very different. And I saw more gay couple around, walking like friends. That's when I tried to open myself for new possibilities. That's when I met my partner now. 

It all started as casual chatting. We've talked everyday, yes everyday, through phones or the internet. I wasn't expecting but hoping. Then we became 'we' before Christmas 2010. We still haven't met so you could say that we're still not sure about each other yet. But I was. He told me that being gay doesn't mean you have to be feminine, that nobody is a woman in the relationship. I was enlightened. (lol).

During my birthday, my mum called me. She asked me how I  was doing and that's when I told her that I was gay and that I already had a boyfriend. She hung up. She wouldn't answer my calls and text messages. That was worse than having a breakup. Even worse. Then few days later she called me back and asked if I was sure about what I said, and I said yes. She asked me who was the man that made me came out. She thinks that man was special for making me coming out. She said she was happy that I told her and that it would be wrong if she disown me, like what happened to some. She had talked to my father and brothers, and they were all very supportive. 

I was very happy and was very proud to say that I have a boyfriend. 

I married my first real boyfriend, partner and friend a year later.

From that moment, I don't care if people call me gay, if they glare at me. Who cares, my parents doesn't care and I am happily married. 

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